Barry Bonds and Steroids - Inability to Catch a Break

by Justin Fuqua
3/18/06

So Barry Bonds is a jerk.  Many can say he was made a jerk by the word “steroids” becoming a four-letter word when uttered in his presence.  But we’ll never know for sure. 

Things were finally looking up for Bonds. His knees had recovered, the back-to-back “Giant’s Idol” cross-dressing episodes served as worthy distractions and his hitting this Spring guarantees solid DH work in Interleague games, though he insists nine innings is no problem. 

But two separate books now substantiate the steroids claims and Bug Selig is in the middle of investigating Bonds, though he says the books are only small parts in the investigation that I’m sure involves multiple finger and brow raises.  Everyone in baseball knows what kind of a draw Bonds is and losing him would mean we have to turn to the likes of powerhouses such as...never mind, he’s it.  Everyone else is really boring and didn’t hit 73 home runs while taking body transforming steroids.  If the average power hitter can be equated to countries of the world, Bonds would be the USA on top of itself.  It’s disgusting how important he is to keeping baseball in the headlines and our minds. 

So as Bonds enters what he says will most likely be his last season, either by choice or by a deadpan imitation of Pete Rose, watch and be entertained for the last time.